Part Two - Together Forever
At 14 I started taking drugs and drinking with him – he wanted us to both feel the same. Eventually the punches, slaps, kicks, bites escalated and was happening more often. Each time there was a reason why he did it, an apology and a period of time where he was nice again. He started hanging around with some older males, and of course he took me with him. Eventually these men started giving me drugs, and then before I knew it I was being taken to a bedroom which had plain white walls, a scruffy mattress on the floor and material up against the window as curtains. In this room is where I was then sexually exploited, it became apparent that he owed these men money and I was his payment. The police eventually became aware of what was going on at this house, and it was all put to a stop. The police contacted my Mum and they wanted me to make a statement, I discovered that I wasn’t the only young person going to this house, I refused to be part of the police process and didn’t give a statement. How could I? all I could think was what will he do to me if I do this? I think this was the lightbulb moment for my Mum, she started to realise this boyfriend was no good for me, she tried to encourage me to end the relationship but it would just lead to us arguing. She tried and begged, she encouraged me to speak to professionals but I didn’t. I covered it up, I lied and I said whatever I could to make sure he wasn’t in trouble. The police continued with their enquiries, and dealt with the case without me, and I remained in my relationship despite family & friends begging me to end it. How could I end it, we was going to be together forever…remember?
As he got older so did his temper, by the age of 15/16 it was out of control and was happening more and more. I loved him and couldn’t bare to think how to even leave him. I would be able to tell by his looks, body language or tone of voice that I was in trouble and when we was alone it was the worse.
I can still feel myself panic or worry every time I think of that ‘look’ I couldn’t make full days at school because he wasn’t in education at all due to his behavior so I would skip school to be with him – he didn’t want me being with friends or to see boys without him there. I completed school and my GCSES’s although the grades I got was never what was expected of me, I started secondary school as a young girl who had a bright future, I finished secondary school as a scared teenager not knowing what I was ever going to do or how I would ever get out of this relationship. This was the point I probably should have walked away, and looking back now I wish I did, but we was going to be together forever…remember?
At the age of 16 when I left school I was successful with getting an apprenticeship at a local solicitors in the accounts department, this meant I was working full time hours. He didn’t like that being at work 5 days a week, with other men, and eventually I got tired of the torture, torment and abuse and after a year I quit. I went back to college at 17 but this didn’t help the situation either. He would turn up at college, he would threaten boys and eventually I quit this course. All the times he would remove me from college and no one ever helped, the police were never called and no one ever asked if I was okay. Although looking back even if they did I wouldn’t have told them, how could I? How could I get him in trouble? And to be really honest I didn’t dare tell anyone what was really happening. After all he was only doing all of this because he loved me and would do whatever he could to make sure we was together forever…remember?